So my wife is away to Orlando for a business trip and Im thinking “great, I have some time to spend with some of my friends” but then I come to realize that my friends aren’t as accessible as they once used to be.
The thing is, I realize that we all grow up and our lives change and our priorities change but it doesn’t mean I have to like to or agree with it.
I can’t put this in a nut shell so I will just ramble on about this for a while.
It seems that every time my friends get married, they have less time to spend with me and/or they would like to do stuff but out of fear of their wives they won’t. Or maybe they just don’t want to go through the hassle of asking permission and getting shot down or made to feel guilty for wanting to spend some time with anyone but their significant other. I know as Im writing this that I too may be influenced by marriage as well but somehow I think I have more freedom, maybe b/c I don’t allow myself to be dominated or maybe my wife is just that cool.
In anycase, so here I am free for 4 days and I know that I probably just can’t call one of my buddies and say “hey you want to go to happy hour for a few beers or go see a movie and maybe to a bar and listen to a band”, because I already know the answers that will follow, “ahh I would love to but I have so much to do around the house”, or “ahh yeah let me see if I can make it, I will call you if I can”, or “I would love to but I have to help my wife do laundry tonight” or “I can’t, money is kinda tight, we are trying to save up”. Tiger Chick, this of course doesn’t apply to you since you guys don’t live near us, but it might if you guys did.
There is one exception to this scenario and that is if you have a kid (which one of my friends does). In this case I will just have to understand the fact that your kid is more important than anything else and leaving to go ourt with your buddies while your wife stays at home and takes care of the baby might create some static in the future.
I also understand that some of my friends simply prefer to spend all their free time with their wives and to that I say “shame on you”, how can you give up a fun night out with me for night at home spent rubbing the same back and feet, and saying stuff like “I love you, yes I do, do you love me, how much, come on show me, that’s all, I love you five times more than that, did you love your old boyfriend as much as me, what! You dirty bitch, I knew you didn’t love me, why am I with you…No you started it, I didn’t start shit, fine leave, fuck you, I don’t care, that’s why your momma’s a bitch”, and the whole time your thinking “damn, I could be out with Koskesh right now looking at some titties in my face”.
So now for my second beef, Church.
I have found a pattern to most of my friends and their wives and probably most people I went to college with:
Stage 1. From time born to about 16 years old- not very religious but still go to church b/c parents make them.
Stage 2. 17 to 24 years old- In college and don’t give a fuck Drink, fuck, suck, swallow and its no big deal. God? God who? Ohhhh Goddamn this weed is the bomb.
Stage 3. 24 years old to present time as I know it- “Ok I’m religious now, I love God and all he does for me, and I will make sure Im at church every Sunday and bible study on Wed and I will make my husband and/or wife go with me because that’s just the right thing to do”.
These same people were doing all kinds of shit while in school, but now they have a one way ticket to heaven b/c they go to church on Sundays and they can do no wrong.
I know Im not perfect but at least Im consistent. For the most part Im the same person that I was when my friends met me in 1994, 1999,2003 or whenever it was. I don’t claim to be perfect but Im so close that you can’t tell the difference :) JK
And along with church comes, church groups, church outings, small groups, church trips, so now I have to decide if its worth joining one of these groups just to see my friends more often. Again I would have less of a problem with this if both people in the relationship were into it and wanted to go, but for the most part this isn’t the case, and one of them is being forced to go and participate. It may look mutual but its not, trust me, I can spot bad acting a mile away.
Again for the record this doesn’t concern you (tiger chick) or your husband since you guys don’t live here and we don’t see each other enough for me to see how you guys influence each other, but rest assure I would have spoke my mind and pointed things out if I felt they needed to be.
So that’s my two cents for the day.
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I have alot of thoughts on what you said and believe it or not, I agree with you on most parts. I KNOW that once you get married, your friends SUCK. (Now having said that, please realize that we don't have ANY friends close by so I shouldn't be offending anyone.) I don't know if they are that into each other or if it's just that they get lazy. I believe alot of it is laziness. People see going out as a chore. We don't like these people. I understand that, from time to time, you might be tired or have to get stuff done or need to relax, but NOT ALL THE TIME. What exactly are we taking a break from? WE DON"T DO ANYTHING!!! Now I don't know either, maybe we would have the same problems if we lived closer together, but somehow I don't think so. I mean you don't always have to go out, have people over. When we lived in Delaware we invited people over every week, literally, and loved it! They didn't always come, but we were always askin'! And yes, I hate the whole having to "ask for permission." I understand letting someone know where you are going to be and checking to see if there is anything else going on that night, but ASKING? Your spouse is not your parent. And yes, just for the record, you do have a cool wife.
As far as the religion thing goes, I agree with you there too. I have found, and I will offend a lot of people with this statement, that in the South you will find those types. They did what they wanted in college and now that they are married and settled down (How I hate that phrase)they do what is expected of them. I think at home, most people approach life with a "life is a destination, not a journey" view. Meaning they do things because it is expected of them, socially. Half the folks you go to church with, don't believe any more or any less than you do, they just do what is expected of them. Now, having said all of this, you know where I stand on religion and God, I believe. I also happen to think that MOST (notice I said MOST not all) of my life would reflect that. I have made some bad choices, but generally believe that I have tried to live like I know how to, not because someone told me to. You know that I have questioned faith and God and all that stuff, which is something else I don't think most people do. Not saying it's bad, but I think that people should arrive at their own conclusions rather than taking the bait blindly. I would be willing to bet that most of your friends would not be able to answer HARD questions about religion. I can't answer them all (or I would GOD) but I do try to understand people's questions and come up with intelligent responses. Correct me if I am wrong. The other thing that you find alot of at home, is literal interpretation of the Bible. I am not one of those people. I do not think everything was meant literally or it would not have been left open to interpretation. I am not going to get into my specific beliefs here, because I would be here all day. Plus, I think you already know them. So in closing, I feel your pain. It is hard, but don't worry. Vegas is only 3 weeks away....
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