Random Anthem

Vegas Baby

2009-06-03T08:30:00.001-04:00

Ok so I realize Im a little late with my trip recap considering I’ve been back for 7 days but oh well.

Vegas was fun and exciting as always but I could tell there was definitely less gambling going on. The streets were still crowded with people, the orientals were still taking pictures of EVERYTHING, the Hispanics were still at every corner handing out nudie cards and the Bellagio fountains still danced every 30 min. However, the tables at the casinos were far from full and there were plenty of open slot machines.

We stayed at the Planet Hollywood Resort (formerly the Aladdin) which was cool. The resort had 1200 rooms and every room has some memorabilia from a different movie or tv show. Ours was some cowboy movie from the 60’s and there were some outfits from the movie behind a glass case. I think the room next to us was an Indiana Jones room. Next time I will be asking them what rooms they have available before I check in.

The casino at Planet Hollywood was nice but not too big. They had a section called The Pleasure Pit and at night all the dealers were well endowed women wearing lingerie and there were two stages at either end of the pit with stripper poles and girls dancing. The point of this is to bring you into the tables to gamble but also to distract you from the game. After some extensive research I can tell you that’s exactly what it does.

The highlights of the trip were:
-meeting Lil Kim at the Roulette table and gambling with her for about 15min and then taking a picture with her (we were the only two at the table at 3 AM, I can email the picture if your really interested). Baby got back for sure.
- eating at Smith and Wollensky steakhouse was also great. That place is the shiznit.
- the Pleasure Pit
- a minor highlight was being able to watch movies on my ipod Touch on the plane (first time I’ve done this). I saw Role Model, Zack and Mira Make A Porn and Yes Man. Gotta love the Dutch Rudder (if you haven’t seen Zack and Mira, you won’t get it. Try the urban dictionary)

Lowlights of the trip were:
-my wife and I donating money to the casinos just as I had predicted. But for what its worth we did a little damage control and got 50% of our money back in the last 30 min before leaving for the airport.
-the poker cards just weren’t falling for me.
-jalapeno pepper at the Mexican restaurant

Overall it was a great trip and I can’t wait to go back next year (hopefully with some of our friends).

And then…….

Off to stimulate the economy

2009-05-22T16:05:00.002-04:00

Well, me and the old lady (I’ve always wanted to use that phrase) are heading out to Vegas this weekend to help stimulate the economy. After reading about how bad Las Vegas was struggling and how the towns revenue and tourism had dropped by some 60%, I just felt so bad that I convinced my wife that we needed to head out there and help out the situation. So unless the poker and Blackjack gods decided to help me out, it looks like I will be making several small donations.
I will try to blog about my trip when I get back.

And then………

Four Dollars

2009-05-15T15:33:00.002-04:00

That is what I have in my bank account. (As most of you can probably infer from the previous statement, it is a gross understatement to say that I struggle with managing finances.) After I came to yesterday after checking my balance I promptly started looking for the "mistake" the bank had made. The mistake, as it turns out, is that I accidentally paid one bill twice (like I said, finances aren't my strong suit). And it wasn't really a bill at that. It was a check to the church. Great. I had to call the treasurer and explain my ineptitude and ask for my money back. As if this wasn't humiliating enough, her reply (which she was very kind about) was "Let me check, I don't think we've ever had anyone ask for money back." Wow.

So if any of you are wondering what we are up to this weekend, know that it is nothing that involves money....on any level. We will just be sitting tight until our savings transfer is complete ( and praying that happens before the water bill comes out.) So big weekend for us...hope yours is better.

Lessons the hard way

2009-05-06T23:21:00.001-04:00

Recently I have had the opportunity to learn some lessons, the hard way of course. For instance, I learned that Mini-MOI is not yet able to handle a eating a banana in her car seat. I, of course, overestimated her and thought this was a great idea at the time. I gave her the banana that she raised her voice 8 octaves over in the store and thought this would make her happy. Naturally, I was wrong. By the time we had driven a total of two minutes (literally 2 minutes) she had concluded that the banana wasn't all it was cracked up to be and proceeded to mash and smear the whole thing on her pants, her car seat, her face...she even managed to get some on the door, which is surprising given her seat is in the middle of the back seat. Yes, banana was everywhere. Note to self, "No bananas in car seat."

The second lesson is that Mini-MOI needs trickier pajamas. Some of you who are reading this who already have kids, know exactly where I am going with this. For others, let me elaborate. By trickier pajamas, I mean that she needs something that she cannot take off. These slip on pajamas, while easy to put on, are also easy to get off. When Mini-MOI wakes up, she commences to taking off her pajamas, followed by her diaper which inevitably leads to "pee-pee" in the bed. We have been lucky thus far in that we have had no "poopies" in the bed. I sit waiting, holding my breath on that one.

The other lesson that I have learned recently is that maybe I shouldn't have taught her the word "poop" quite so soon. Earlier this week, I took her to the bathroom with me and told her that Mommy had to go "pee pee" (somehow hoping that this miraculously registers with her and "POOF!" one day she will just get it and be potty trained. My, how my fantasies have changed.). As we were leaving the restroom, she decides it prudent to shout "Mommy POOP! Mommy POOP!" I am chasing her saying "No, Mommy didn't poop. Mommy went pee-pee." All in vain. Finally I accepted (for the 100th time) that the prudence I used to employ in my daily life is a thing of the past.

PS-I really didn't go "poop."

Interesting Find

2009-04-20T16:27:00.006-04:00

After perusing the internet the other day I stumbled upon a site called eventchaser.com which claims to give you free tickets to events in your area if you agree to blog about the event. Now of course I was skeptical because it seemed to good to be true. Free tickets to concerts, sporting events, plays, etc just for blogging about the event afterwards -- I think you understand my skepticism. However, for some reason I decided to send an email inquiring about becoming a correspondent. Much to my surprise I received a response within a few hours and long story short I am now an Official Event Chaser!! In case you couldn't tell, I am very excited about this new gig! And as if getting free tickets to different events wasn't enough, I get to go see one of my favorite bands, The Killers, in concert for my first event chaser event! Now for those of you that the jealousy is too much, you can check out their schedule by clicking The Killers tickets to see when they will be in your area. You can also check out Razorgator to see other events in your area.

Nothing

2009-04-16T21:51:00.003-04:00

There are days when I feel like I have nothing to say. Today is one of those days. So why, out of all days, do I pick the day when I have nothing to say to blog?

I don't know, just to annoy you?

Funny or Not?

2009-04-03T07:39:00.001-04:00

So I was listening to the morning talk radio on the way to work this morning and the topic was “Ladies, do you prefer a hot guy or a funny guy”. All these ladies started calling the show and saying how they would pick a funny guy over a hot guy any day.
Here is what bothers me about this whole thing. So all these ladies call in and say this because it sounds like the right thing to say or they may think that they really mean this but in reality when they’re at a bar or a club, THEY ARE NOT LOOKING FOR FUNNY GUYS, they are looking at hot guys.

So while it sounds good to say “oh I just want a funny guy”, how can this even be possible when all you look at is the blond hair, blue eye surfer dude at the other end of the bar with the Hollister t-shirt on. I’ve honestly never heard a girl say “oh, look at that guy, he looks ok, but I bet he is funny”. That’s because its hard to find out if someone is funny without talking to them, and its hard to talk to them when your mesmerized by the next Abercrombie model.

Now I, on the other hand, can be pretty honest about this subject. I would prefer a hot and funny girl all in one. But if that’s not possible, then obviously the best looking girl with the biggest set is who I will be watching at the bar regardless of how funny she is or if she can even spell funny.

And then…..

Green Day

2009-03-17T07:16:00.001-04:00

The Pontiac Aztec has to be the ugliest car ever made. I just saw one on the way to work and had to write about it. I realize the car has been around for a couple of years but every time I see one, I just think “who thought this was a good idea in the preliminary design stages, and more baffling, who approved this for production?”

Well, its St. Patrick’s Day. I actually have no idea what this day is celebrating other than green beer, green food and green cloths. I guess I could google it but Im not that interested or curious. Im going to be wearing my “Irish I were drunk” t-shirt tonight.

Is it just me, or do we seem to have some kind of holiday every week? Not that I really consider, flag day or presidents day a holiday, but it seems like every week we are celebrating or recognizing something. What the hell is Earth Day. Don’t we celebrate earth everyday? Do we really need to set a day aside for this??
It’s getting to be a little too much. I just like my regular days without the “today is national carwash day” or “today is talk like a pirate day” (this is Sept. 19th). Why do we have to brand everyday for something. When are we going to get the “today is do whatever you husband wants or needs day”??

And then…….

Nothing is wrong with me

2009-03-11T13:30:00.002-04:00

This is in reference to my previous post "Something is wrong with me." As it turns out, they never figured out what caused that reaction, only guesses. My "guess" is that some people spent too much on their education to only be able to offer "guesses"as to what was wrong with me. On the other hand, another doctor did actually do some tests and found that I am Vitamin D deficient. This discovery is not in line with the self-diagnosis I came to after watching an episode of Oprah. But I will concede this one to the blood test.

On another note, my transition to veganism is going well. Still haven't completely eliminated all animal fats but that's why I call it a transition. Will keep you posted on this.

Bath time

2009-03-11T13:21:00.001-04:00

Surprisingly enough, I am not talking about Abby's bath time but my own. Everyone knows how much I LOVE a bath but I have been feeling guilty about taking them lately because I feel like I am indulging when I shouldn't be. I feel like I have too much to do to allow myself this luxury. It's like having dessert... you REALLY want to, but know you shouldn't, not after every meal anyway.

And then it occurs to me... I haven't showered in two days. Well, that settles that. Guilt resolved. If you need me, I will be lost in the bubbles somewhere.

And the winner is

2009-03-10T16:29:00.002-04:00

And here I was worried that I wouldn’t be able to keep up with my blog partner (only one post since Feb 15th)

I just recently noticed how hot Mariah Carey has gotten (after seeing the video to Touch My Body). And then I started thinking how I didn’t even find her attractive in the 90’s.
This is one of those rare cases where beauty comes with age. So Im not sure if she has had any surgeries or enhancements but I can tell you at this moment she has climbed into my top five.

So now your wondering who my top five are and who got voted off to make room for Mariah Carey.
Before I go into my top 5, I have to throw this disclaimer out there: these girls are all runner-ups to my wife.

Jennifer Love Hewitt : has been at the #1 spot for at least 8 years or since the first time I saw the movie Can’t Hardly Wait.

Christina Aguilera: kinda though she was skanky hot back in the day, but now with motherhood it’s a whole new kind of hotness. Been top 5 for about 4 years.

Jenny Mccarthy: been on the list since the days of hosting “Singled Out” on MTV.
Again motherhood has brought on a different kind of hotness for her.

Tara Reid: Im talking about the Tara Reid from American Pie or Van Wilder. Not the one from the red carpet with the bad boob job or the scars on her stomach. There is something about that raspy voice.

Mariah Carey: The newcomer to the list. She has been getting hotter and hotter in the last 4 or 5 years.

So who got taken off the top 5 list?

Jillian Grace: She was playmate of the month in March 2005. She was 20 years old at the time. She was discovered because of the Howard Stern show, and she had been on my list since 2005. In January of 2008 she announced that she was pregnant as a result of a “brief relationship” with Dave Spade. During the relationship Jillian was 22 and David was 45 (I fucking hate him now, ok not really but it feels like I should).

So now you know my All Star team.

And then…..

My thoughts on...

2009-03-02T07:49:00.003-05:00

The show 24 is kind of weak this season. Im not finding myself on the edge of my seat like the other seasons, I guess everything has a limit and at some point every show starts to slow down and become boring (although, I can honestly say Seinfeld never did, at least not for me). And to be honest after 14 or 15 seasons now, Survivor hasn’t gotten boring for me yet.
The #1 advice I can give to anyone going on Survivor is to “keep your mouth shut”. I can’t believe how many of these contestants go on the show and say how much of a fan they are and that they have watched all the past seasons, but yet the first day on the show they try to boss everyone around and then look surprised when they get voted off (im pretty sure that was a run-on sentence).
Also, these people don’t understand that 75% of the challenges are physical challenges, like swimming, lifting, running, jumping, throwing. So why in the hell would you kick off the young strong people knowing you will need them for at least the first 2 weeks. I don’t give a shit if they have a bad attitude, or you don’t like the way they talk to you or the way they look, you don’t kick off the physically strong players until after the merge.

Ok that’s was my two cents on Survivor, look for me as a contestant on the next season, I will be the young strong guy voted off first.

On a totally different note, I just booked a little 3 night trip to Vegas for Memorial Day weekend and am very excited. We were actually supposed to go to Germany that weekend for a friends wedding but with economy the way it is and money being tight, it just wasn’t feasible.
I have to get my poker fix at least once a year. Online poker just isn’t the same as sitting at the table with a bunch of people with their sunglasses on and their ipods playing at a table with less than $20 in the pot. Come on, this isn’t the WSOP. Also I can guarantee that if you stand at any table for more than 3min, you will hears someone telling a story about a bad beat hand that they had yesterday or last week. It never fails, poker players love to talk about bad beat hands as if to try and get reassurance or sympathy from fellow poker players.

We were actually supposed to go to Germany that weekend for a friends wedding but with economy the way it is and money being tight, it just wasn’t feasible.

And then…….

I had no idea....

2009-02-21T18:03:00.002-05:00

that NM was back! I tell you, my day just keeps getting better.....wait, never mind. My husband just asked me if he could get a harmonica. I swear, he really is Doug Heffernan (for those of you who watch King Of Queens re-runs). Remember the episode where Doug bought himself a harmonica? Mr. MOI is Doug Heffernan with ambition. You would NEVER see my husband come home and veg out on the couch. Just doesn't happen around these parts. Which leaves me wondering why he needs a harmonica, it's not like he has time to play it.

On another note, I met someone who actually owns a Snuggie and uses it! And loves it. I really thought these commercials were on tv for our amusement not actually for sale. Not for normal people anyway, maybe Jedi Knights. But she is quite normal.... I also found out there is apparently a Snuggie knock-off, Slankets. I kid you not. This proves there is a market for ANYTHING. Snuggie knock-offs, wow.

“Not every night”

2009-02-18T07:40:00.003-05:00

After visiting the dentist yesterday, I started thinking about something: Out of all the doctors and physicians that we visit, (just to clarify this for my blog partner, chiropractors don’t count for either of these groups), the dentist is the only one we lie to or at least try to fool.

Now I don’t know if Im the only one that does this but I usually brush my teeth right before I go for my regular visits/cleaning. I guess I do this to show them my teeth are clean but yet I pay $120 for the cleaning. Wouldn’t it make more sense for me to go in there right after lunch and make then earn that money? I mean would you clean your house before hiring a maid to come over and clean it? Or clean your clothes before taking it to the dray cleaners?

I also lie to my dentist every time I go in there.
Dentist: “So, are we flossing every night?”
Me: “No not every night, probably only 3 or 4 nights a week”(when in fact the last time they got flossed was when his assistant did it for me)

I’ve also heard on several different occasions that dentist have the highest suicide rate out of any profession. I don’t get it. Shouldn’t this award go to the guy that has to clean up the set after a porn scene, or the guy that has to clean sewer lines for a living. What about proctologist, they can’t be loving life.

So next time your on your way to the dentist, pick up some spinach dip, and cheetos.

And then……

Part time status

2009-02-15T20:12:00.005-05:00

Well its been a while but I’ve reinstated myself on a part time status since I may not be able to post as regularly as my blog partner. Also, I can honestly say my life hasn’t change nearly as much as Moi’s in the last three years.

As Im writing this, my wife is watching some “Lovers Lane” valentine weekend movie marathon event on Lifetime (im having the pleasure if hearing these movies in the background). I would love to take the next 15min to tell you how much I hate this channel but that would go against my attempts at “quality” blogs.

But while we’re on the subject of bad acting, my absolute worst and most hated person has to be the guy on CSI Miami, David Caruso. I can’t stand this guy and the way he talks and acts. I just don’t understand how the networks keep him on, season after season. If your not familiar with this guy just watch the first 5min of any CSI Miami episode and you should be able to spot this sorry excuse for an actor in no time.

How effective are commercials these days? I mean certain stuff I get but a commercial for Milk? Or Pork (the other white meat)? Why are these companies spending money on these ads. Who is Milk competing with, Water? And do consumers really pick their beer of choice based on who has the funniest commercials? Maybe they do, but shouldn’t it be based on taste and drinkability?

And then………..

Pole Dancing

2009-02-13T14:26:00.003-05:00

Recently I spoke with a gal who is taking pole dancing classes . I realize this is a legitimate form of exercise. I mean, you have got to have some mean ab muscles to slide down a pole in various positions and then commence to dancing on 4 inch heels upon landing. What I didn't realize, however, was the fact that there are levels of pole dancing....eight to be exact. I asked her if they offer stripes upon completion of levels. You know, ones that you could sew onto a jacket or a bag....to display your achievements. You gotta celebrate your talents.

This conversation left me with more questions than answers and got me to thinking what those stripes might look like and I came up with this. Maybe rather than the typical "stripes", they could have a pair of legs in high heels be their "stripes". And is there a "Pole Dancers Union" that we could present this idea to?

Another question that I didn't get answered is "Where does the trainer get her certification?" I mean, is this what pole dancers do when they are too old for the pole...train younger girls to get on the pole? Or is this simply what the corporate ladder (or more appropriately, pole) looks like for Pole Dancers? Do young girls think "I am going to be a pole dancer in hopes of being a trainer one day" the same way young professionals think " I am going to start out in sales and move to corporate?"

Another interesting fact is that the gym where these classes are offered actually sell stripper shoes. And to answer the question that many of you are wondering, YES, there are alot of clear heels in this mix. The others are metallic. This gives rise to another idea...maybe the stripes could be displayed on the heel of the shoes. There is certainly room for them on 4 inch heels.

Just some food for thought as we head into Valentine's weekend.....

Something's wrong with me

2009-02-10T12:43:00.003-05:00

I am very excited about pending tests and blood work that I have had done recently. I am hoping that something comes back abnormal....albeit just abnormal enough to explain what's wrong with me. I don't want a diagnosis that forces me to contemplate my life, my choices that I have made and so forth and so on. Just an explanation, that's all I am looking for.

And while we are discussing that, I will give an update on the anaphylactic reaction. It is doing much better. While it is still present (mostly in my face now) it is much more bearable and does not affect my activities....which is a good thing as I am being chased about showing up at a Happy Hour on Friday. All I can say is, it better be good if I am going to be putting make-up on my face with the way that feels of late. Don't make me regret this, Rick.

Three years, a look back

2009-02-02T12:12:00.002-05:00

I was thinking about the last three years.

Some things change. Leave NJ and move to Pennsylvania, get a new job, 0pen a business (www.MOIskincare.com), get Pregnant (oops), have baby, quit job, learn how hard it is to manage biz and kid

And some things NEVER change. I can STILL do (and should be doing) Holly Rowe's job. (If ESPN is reading this.....call me.)

Speak-easy

2009-01-30T21:45:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I wonder if I even need to teach Abby to talk, she seems to be doing a mighty fine job of getting her opinions across without ever having to speak a word.

Example: She is marching in the foyer stomping her feet. Translation: "It's time to go...now. I do not like wearing shoes...or socks for that matter, so you had better make this worth my effort."

Example 2: Lying, face down, on the rug at the front door with her hands and feet spread out as far as they will stretch. Translation: " Let's go! Even if it means putting on my shoes and socks."

Example 3: Piercing squeal while riding in her carseat. Translation: "I HATE NPR!!!! Really, I do. "

Example 4: Arriving at the store with chewed up and spit out string cheese on her dress. Translation(as if one is needed): "I changed my mind about the cheeeeeese. Turns out I didn't really want it after all."

Example 5: Refusing to get out of the bathtub long after the water has been drained. Translation: " Not done yet. I will be staging a sit in."

With this kind of communication now, I can't imagine what it will be like when she can actually speak.

Technology and I.... Arch Enemies

2009-01-29T13:41:00.000-05:00

So if you have ever wondered what happens when I try to start handling my own technology, take a peek at my website, www. MOIskincare.com. Notice anything? Or better yet, notice that something is missing? Yes, you are correct. That is my header that is gone. As I was trying to replace my header today (with a better version of what was already there) I somehow have been denied access. However, I did not attempt to replace the old header with the new header until AFTER I had deleted the old one and had made too many moves to Undo my way out of this mess.

I suppose while I am waiting for an answer from my support team, I will try to wash my hair without curling up in agony. I have to say, I am seriously considering dreads.

RIP TIger Chick

2009-01-28T18:03:00.000-05:00

As of last post, I thought my name (on this blog anyway) was Tiger Chick. I see now that I am known as MOI, as I am known everywhere else on the internet. Which makes me consistent at the very least. Consistency is something I could use a little more of in my life. I don't hold out much hope for that with Mini-MOI (as she will now be known, instead of Tiger Baby). But as they say "Variety is the spice of life." If that is the case, then we definitely have flavor!! What flavor we are has yet to be determined. We only know that we are not vanilla, perhaps something more along the lines of cayenne.

Three years later...

2009-01-28T12:39:00.000-05:00

Well, almost three years anyway. I completely forgot about this blog I started with another friend. I don't know if he will continue to post but I have been swamped with thoughts lately that I have wanted to share. I also Tweet, but given that I am limited to 140 characters on Twitter, I needed another space to share all of my profound thoughts.

Profound Thought Number 1: Whatever an anaphylactic reaction is, I don't care for it. It seems as though I am having an anaphylactic reaction to some anti-biotic that I was taking. This little medical adventure has sent me to two doctors, one chiropractor and one ER. No one has any definitive answers, but the closest thing we can agree on is an anaphylactic reaction. I do not recommend it.

Profound Thought Number 2: Snow sucks, with one exception. That exception being that there is too much snow for work and Tiger Guy can stay home and let Tiger Chick have her anaphylactic reaction in peace.

And an update (there are many since it has been three years): Since the last time I posted, Tiger Chick and Tiger Guy had a Tiger Baby. Tiger Babies are a lot of work. Alot of work.

Haiku Fun

2006-02-07T09:56:00.000-05:00

To relieve some serious boredom that has plagued me the last couple of days (or my entire lifetime) I have been channeling my energy into haikus. Grab a tissue....I think you will find that my beautiful works of art will move you to tears.

I see the snow fall
Little white flakes drift slowly
My God, this day sucks

New Jersey is home
Every day I awaken
I think "Just shoot me"

Gallons of water
I drink each and every day
Excuse me, must pee

Dante's Inferno

2006-02-06T12:46:00.000-05:00

I figure a day like today pans out to be somewhere near the third level of hell. I have been "sentenced" to work in our customer communication center. This may not mean much to you who have never work on the other end of the phone in a call center, but let me promise you, this is not what I was put on earth to do. This job should be harnessed and used as some sort of POW treatment ( BTW- I have a lot more ideas for that line of thought, that would be effective and pass the Geneva Convention).

Ok, different tantrum now. I am continually amazed at the epidemic levels of incompetence in this world. And to top it off, not only does it go unnoticed but is frequently rewarded. Rewarded out of pity or for the simple fact that the supervisor doesn't want to deal with this person any more thes people get moved to higher positions and better jobs. This to me is outrageous. Somewhere along the way in our PC world, it became against the law to fire someone simply because they can't do the job. They have to be tied to some sort of sexual harassment or other illegal behavior. In the spirit of Chris Rock, whatever happened to DUMB? Can't you just fire people for being DUMB?

I have another beef but will hold that for a later date........ as I feel as though I have done the requisite bitching for today. Please excuse me, the flames are calling my name.

So to meet my "quota"

2006-02-02T13:34:00.000-05:00

of quality posts I will pose this question to you? How hard do you think it would be to get a job as an ESPN sideline reporter? I mean, I can ask questions as good as Holly Rowe. "So coach, your team is down. What are you going to tell them going into the locker room? " After the half when I interview the winning coach "So, coach, your team is winning. How do you keep your guys motivated and focused to close this game out?" See, that's all. Oh and my hair is so much better than hers. Well, maybe not right now, but it will be as soon as I finish growing it out.

On that note, can you believe that I have stuck to growing my hair out this long? I have even impressed myself (and we both know how hard it is to impress me.)

Back to the job at ESPN, I think they could use a couple more sideline reporters anyway. They have two. Erin and Holly. I think Tiger Chick fits in that line up nicely. Perhaps I will write ESPN a very carefully worded letter on my qualifications. Do you wanna help? I am open to suggestions.

Look at me

2006-02-01T08:19:00.000-05:00

Ok, so I guess its my turn again to get this thing going.

College rings are just a status symbol to let people know “hey look at me, I have a college degree, Im smart, I can comprehend stuff”. I too have one so Im not picking on anyone, Im just stating the obvious.

Everything in this country is looked at as a status symbol. Your house, car, cloths, spouse, kids, kid’s cloths, kid's school, restaurants you eat at, the food market you shop at.
Seems like all we care about is what others will think of us, and we are so afraid that we won’t be accepted that we are willing to give and spend whatever it takes to get there. Again Im just as guilty but at least Im smart enough to realize how stupid this is.

Why is it that we try to impress others and make them believe we have more money than we really do? And most of these people that we are trying to impress don’t even know us. Like the guy at the mall or the girl that works at the Gap. Do these people really care about the fact that our shirts have a guy on a horse playing polo or an alligator on it. I guess we’re just hoping they see us and say “oh look she has those Jimmy Choo’s on, she must be famous or an actor or something” (ok that bit might have been picking on Tigerchick just a little).
To me it should all be relative to the amount of income that one brings in.
For example, if someone makes $40,000 a year, and they buy a pair of jeans for $50, that’s .12% of their salary. If you prorate this out, someone who makes $250,000 can buy a $300 pair of jeans and that’s ok. The problems comes when people who make $40,000 want $300 jeans. Live within your means people.

Two arguments can be made against this and Im willing to hear both of them.

“Well what if I find it on sale for 50% off, then It not such a bad deal, right?”
This all depends………..I can take a dump in a box and mark it 75% off but im willing to bet you won’t think its such a good deal.

“Well, what if Im willing to give up on some other stuff like jewelry, food,
furniture, then is it ok to buy these jeans?”. In this case I guess it ok, as long as what your giving up, isn’t going to make life miserable for you. But keep in mind your giving up these things to make people believe you live a luxurious life. How ironic.

So with all this said, next time you see me wearing a name brand or something that might look like its expensive, don’t chastise me, just know that I probably didn’t pay full price and that Im trying to impress you, so please act like your impressed.

K Out

What the BLEEP?

2006-01-31T16:26:00.000-05:00

Where are you people? That is all.

Running with Scissors

2006-01-27T12:38:00.000-05:00

and other dumb things. I was perusing the internet during my very busy day as a receptionist and came across this list on cnn.com. 101 Dumbest Moments in Business. And there are some that are worth mentioning.

1)Blaming a mailing-list vendor for providing bad information, JPMorgan Chase apologizes for sending a form letter about its credit card services to an Arab American man in California addressed to "Palestinian Bomber."

2)The proprietors of the Erotic City strip club in Boise, Idaho, attempt to circumvent a local law banning nudity except for performances of "serious artistic merit" by distributing sketch pads and pencils to customers for twice-weekly G-string-free "art" nights. Local police raid the club, issuing misdemeanor citations.

3)"For every 2 inches up there, it's another $50,000."
-- Sales consultant William Fried, speaking to eighth-graders on Career Day at a middle school in Palo Alto. Fried lists "stripper" and "exotic dancer" among potential occupations and reportedly tells students that the profession can garner them annual salaries of $250,000 -- a figure that can easily be augmented along with their bust size.

4)With the help of Latin pop sensation Thalia Sodi, Hershey introduces Cajeta Elegancita, a new candy bar for the Hispanic market. Though the wrapper features a picture of Sodi, apparently she neglects to fill her Yanqui partners in on a subtlety of Spanish: In Mexico, "cajeta" can be used to mean "nougat." Elsewhere in the Spanish-speaking world, however, it's slang for female anatomy.

5)Little Big ManIn September, as the result of a typo in a spreadsheet, Electronic Arts issues an update to Madden NFL 06 that reduces 6-foot-3, 305-pound New York Jets lineman Michael King to a height of 7 inches. The next day, EA fixes the bug -- to a chorus of complaints from customers who enjoyed watching the shin-high blocker get steamrollered by full-size players such as seven-time All-Pro linebacker Derrick Brooks of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.

On a lighter note......

2006-01-25T11:25:00.000-05:00

Seems as though we have been getting heavy with our posts lately (actually only the last two, but you know I can only do heavy in doses) so to lighten the mood....per the email I sent you earlier. (Now you know that I don't have any research whatsoever to back any of this up...)

***Donkeys kill more people than plane crashes?
This floored me. Surely they are not talking about in this country, this has got to be a worldwide figure. I mean, seriously, do we even HAVE donkeys in this country? Weren't they replaced by John Deere tractors?

****You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television.
This is not hard to believe. I mean, if you have ever slept in the same bed as me (which you haven't) it is like a boxing match all night long. :-) I have killer dark circles as proof too. I don't sleep well at all. And apparently, I shout out random things like "SEPARATE!" during my few periods of sleep. I hope me shouting out random things in my sleep does not become a habit. I may never sleep again......

**** A duck's quack doesn't echo and no one knows why.
Mythbusters says differently. Sheesh people, try to keep up.

****Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush be kept at least six (6) feet away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush.
I can't even begin to approach this subject this close to lunchtime. I will say Thank the Lord for small miracles and that small miracle being that we have a SoniCare and since it has to be plugged in, it is a safe 8-10 feet away from the toilet. Makes you wonder about bathrooms that don't have six feet to spare. Should you just hang your toothbrush outside the door?

****Turtles can breathe through their butts.
They also talk out of their ass too. Have you ever met a Maryland Terrapin fan?

Me against the world

2006-01-23T13:28:00.001-05:00

So my wife is away to Orlando for a business trip and Im thinking “great, I have some time to spend with some of my friends” but then I come to realize that my friends aren’t as accessible as they once used to be.
The thing is, I realize that we all grow up and our lives change and our priorities change but it doesn’t mean I have to like to or agree with it.
I can’t put this in a nut shell so I will just ramble on about this for a while.

It seems that every time my friends get married, they have less time to spend with me and/or they would like to do stuff but out of fear of their wives they won’t. Or maybe they just don’t want to go through the hassle of asking permission and getting shot down or made to feel guilty for wanting to spend some time with anyone but their significant other. I know as Im writing this that I too may be influenced by marriage as well but somehow I think I have more freedom, maybe b/c I don’t allow myself to be dominated or maybe my wife is just that cool.

In anycase, so here I am free for 4 days and I know that I probably just can’t call one of my buddies and say “hey you want to go to happy hour for a few beers or go see a movie and maybe to a bar and listen to a band”, because I already know the answers that will follow, “ahh I would love to but I have so much to do around the house”, or “ahh yeah let me see if I can make it, I will call you if I can”, or “I would love to but I have to help my wife do laundry tonight” or “I can’t, money is kinda tight, we are trying to save up”. Tiger Chick, this of course doesn’t apply to you since you guys don’t live near us, but it might if you guys did.
There is one exception to this scenario and that is if you have a kid (which one of my friends does). In this case I will just have to understand the fact that your kid is more important than anything else and leaving to go ourt with your buddies while your wife stays at home and takes care of the baby might create some static in the future.

I also understand that some of my friends simply prefer to spend all their free time with their wives and to that I say “shame on you”, how can you give up a fun night out with me for night at home spent rubbing the same back and feet, and saying stuff like “I love you, yes I do, do you love me, how much, come on show me, that’s all, I love you five times more than that, did you love your old boyfriend as much as me, what! You dirty bitch, I knew you didn’t love me, why am I with you…No you started it, I didn’t start shit, fine leave, fuck you, I don’t care, that’s why your momma’s a bitch”, and the whole time your thinking “damn, I could be out with Koskesh right now looking at some titties in my face”.

So now for my second beef, Church.
I have found a pattern to most of my friends and their wives and probably most people I went to college with:

Stage 1. From time born to about 16 years old- not very religious but still go to church b/c parents make them.

Stage 2. 17 to 24 years old- In college and don’t give a fuck Drink, fuck, suck, swallow and its no big deal. God? God who? Ohhhh Goddamn this weed is the bomb.

Stage 3. 24 years old to present time as I know it- “Ok I’m religious now, I love God and all he does for me, and I will make sure Im at church every Sunday and bible study on Wed and I will make my husband and/or wife go with me because that’s just the right thing to do”.
These same people were doing all kinds of shit while in school, but now they have a one way ticket to heaven b/c they go to church on Sundays and they can do no wrong.
I know Im not perfect but at least Im consistent. For the most part Im the same person that I was when my friends met me in 1994, 1999,2003 or whenever it was. I don’t claim to be perfect but Im so close that you can’t tell the difference :) JK
And along with church comes, church groups, church outings, small groups, church trips, so now I have to decide if its worth joining one of these groups just to see my friends more often. Again I would have less of a problem with this if both people in the relationship were into it and wanted to go, but for the most part this isn’t the case, and one of them is being forced to go and participate. It may look mutual but its not, trust me, I can spot bad acting a mile away.
Again for the record this doesn’t concern you (tiger chick) or your husband since you guys don’t live here and we don’t see each other enough for me to see how you guys influence each other, but rest assure I would have spoke my mind and pointed things out if I felt they needed to be.

So that’s my two cents for the day.

Our trip to Iran

2006-01-17T12:16:00.000-05:00

Given the recent attention that Iran has been getting, I decided to make a list of PROS and CONS regarding our trip later this year. Here is what I came up with........

CONS
1)I am the first to admit that at times I can be a drama queen and when I have a bad day, I do believe the earth will stop on its axis. HOWEVER, I have never thought, "I just need to get nuked." As bad as life seems, getting in the middle of nuclear incident has never seemed an appropriate response.
2)Kidnappings.....what is Iran's policy on that? Do they use it as a negotiation tool? Not that anyone would want me, as a matter of fact, I feel that if someone did kidnap me, they would promptly return me. But on the off chance that I were to get kidnapped, I don't really feel secure in the fact that our government would do everything possible to get me back safe and sound. You know, there is a rumor going around that the US govn't WANTED to go to war in Iraq and was LOOKING for reasons to go to war. Well, if that is the case, then getting me home safely is NOT a reason to go to war. However, if I were to die.......well, you can draw your own conclusions.
And I am all about my 15 minutes of fame. I would like to be alive to enjoy it, I do not want it posthumously. It kind of defeats the point, don't you think?
3)Killer sunburn. I will be allowed to wear sunscreen, right? You KNOW how sensitive I am to the sun.
4)The plane ride. I REFUSE to sit next to kids on that flight. I insist on business class. And to sit by you. I am not taking my chances on a flight that lasts for 4 days. I learned my lesson in that respect in Sept, 2001 when I had to sit next to.....well, I will spare you the details. All you need to know, is that you are stuck with me.
PROS
1)The food is good. I really enjoyed it. I am craving more. Also, I liked the belly dancer. Maybe I could learn while I was over there. Oh, wait, I can't show my face, never mind my belly. That could be a good thing. They might use my belly as an example of why they have these "laws" in place to begin with.
2) Imagine how much you and I would have to talk about after the trip. Perhaps I could even learn a little Farsi while I was over there. SEEB. See, I am already well on my way.
3)We could have our picture taken with a Tiger Rag next to a nuclear warhead. Bet that's never been in the Orange and White.
4)Maybe I will take big bags of candy and just throw it around like I am in a parade everywhere I go....perhaps that could keep me from getting kidnapped. You know, you can never be mad at anyone who just gave you DOTS.
Am I leaving anything out?

24 is my crack

2006-01-17T08:26:00.000-05:00

If I had a million dollars
(If I had a million dollars)
Well, I'd buy you a green dress
(But not a real green dress, that's cruel)

I guess its taken me a couple of days to get back to this blog. I have had a busy couple of nights with the premier of 24. Can’t believe they killed off two good characters in the first 5 min.

Great game by the Steelers this weekend, I was pulling for them.
Panthers held their own too. It should be an interesting race to the super bowl.

I figured you might come around to the toe thing after you thought about it a little more.

Why are you volunteering for domestic violence? I didn’t know this was an interest of yours. God, just when you think you know someone and they go and pull this crap on you.

Are you saving up any gambling money for Vegas? You better be. Lets start by bringing our lunch 2 days out of the week to work ( you may already be doing this and more but this is more for my benefit). This would save me about $16 a week (average lunch outing is about $8). So 16 X 4 weeks is $64. Hey it’s a start.
We also have a piggy bank that we (and by we I mean 80% me and 20% Jackie) have been putting our change into, and I don’t mean just pennies, there are quarters, dimes and nickels in there too. If I had to guess I would say there is probably $60 in there. Do you see how this is all starting to fall into place? I also have some stuff that I don’t use anymore so I might try to sell them on ebay.

My two favorite songs at this moment (subject to change by the end of the week)

“Look what you’ve done” by Jet
“Your beautiful” by James Blunt

Green Dress

2006-01-13T13:14:00.000-05:00

So it's Friday the 13th. I haven't had any REALLY bad luck....yet. But the day is only half over. As a matter of fact, I have had some good luck. I found a fab green dress on super sale. Now isn't green supposed to be lucky? Clover is green, green m&m's are allegedly lucky, the Green Rooster ( in the Chinese zodiac) is supposed to bring luck. Maybe this dress will bring us luck in Vegas. I could use a little good luck these days.

So peach cosmos........good stuff. As you heard the other night, I think I would be better at this after a couple of peach cosmos. AND, don't get me wrong, I love our little blog that we have goin' on here, but I definitely think we lose something over the internet.

Some other random thoughts for you:

Urban Turban huh? So you're the Urban part and David's the Turban. Where does that leave me? I know you are not trying to leave me out of this little venture. I wanna get some ass too! ( Which is why anybody is in a band to begin with......) I can contribute.....something. I am sure we can think of something that I can bring to the table other than gin and tonics.

Indianapolis......what do you think of it?

So I called a domestic violence women's group to volunteer for it and the woman I talk to sounds like a man.....what's up with that?

I have begun to rethink the whole toe issue.

24 starts on Sunday....do you watch?

band name

2006-01-09T16:58:00.000-05:00

I've thought of a new band name, tell me what you think:

Urbin Turban

I think its catchy.

As far as Vegas goes Im sure we will be bringing a camera but Im not sure about the guitar. You know with all there is to do I just don't see us having much time playing guitar, I know your dying to help me finish the deuteronomy song.

I realize that meat and three's have not made the Vegas diet yet, but Im lobbying this as we speak.
So did you hear Vince Young is going pro.
And Marcus Vick is kicked off the VT football team.

So no toe for $175,000. I guess you just don't realize what that could buy US.
I guess I never thought toes were cute so if a girl is missing one, it won't change the way I look at her. I guess when Im checking a girl out, most of the time I don't even make it down to the toe. I guess you could say Im a torso kind of guy.

Just for the record, I would give up my small toe for alot less than that.

Dust Bunnies

2006-01-09T15:43:00.000-05:00

No, you don't get to "choose" your maids, but what a great idea! It could be like the "Hooters" of maid service....and they could wear those cute little french maid outfits. We will call it Dust Bunnies. Whaddya think? Now don't expect to get too many "households" to sign up for this as we will probably service the single male pop. And NO, no happy endings. Sorry, we don't want to get shut down.

HMMMMMMMMM, I think that I would have to pass on the whole toe thing as I am into shoes and how my feet look in them (still upset about 3 scars I have from the BC game). But I think that is a great idea for you. And you should split the money with me as no one could supply the moral support you would need like me. :-)

Yes, 33 days left on the Vegas diet. How are you doing? Meat and three's are not on the Vegas diet, you do realize that don't you? Are you bringing a camera? A guitar? I think you will be impressed with my song writing ability. Here's a sample " Move bitch. Get out the way." Original huh?

My other New Year's Resolution: Do something with my life. Now, what should I do?

I'm calling you tomorrow night. Be available.

Maid for hire.

2006-01-06T15:37:00.000-05:00

Im impressed with the maid service order. Funny you should bring this up b/c my wife just mentioned the other day how we need to hire one to come twice a month and help out with the cleaning. Im not opposed to idea by any mean but there are a few concerns that I have:

How much does each visit cost? (I guess it depends on what you want done)
Can we pick from a list of available maids? (I would rather have a good looking maid fold my underwear than an ugly one)
Is happy ending an option?

When I get these answers, we will look more seriously at ordering one as well.

Had meat and three today, it wasn’t bad but I getting sick of it since I have it like 4 days a week. I will cut back in an effort to spice it up again.

I was very impressed with Vince Young and the Texas Team as a whole, but USC could have won that game if the weren’t so cocky.

Have to agree with the ice cream statement.
I don’t get the 21 comment, but maybe it has something to do with black jack and Vegas

I don’t think its possible to be a heroin addict and still be smokin hot. Heroin makes you eyes and cheeks get sucked into your face and gives you that crack whore effect. With that said, if your able to look smoking hot and smoke a little heroin every now and then, that’s ok in my book. Just don’t do it while cleaning my house or folding my underwear.

We officially have 36 days left on the Vegas diet.

Would you allow your small toe (on either foot that you choose) to be surgically removed (meaning they put you to sleep and you don’t feel any pain) for $175,000 cash?

True happiness!

2006-01-06T10:12:00.000-05:00

So I just ordered myself some maid service today! I am so happy about it! This kind of happiness, as I explained to my hubby, rivals mac-n-cheese happiness. (You know how happy mac-n-cheese or any food for that matter makes me!) Life is good!

Yes, I have found true happiness and one of it's color is green (we went with Merry Maids). AHHHHH. This makes this crappy weather a little more bearable......

2006-01-05T10:15:00.000-05:00

1) Vince Young is a RIDICULOUSLY good player.

2) Cold weather sucks. Must live somewhere warm, sometime in the near future.

3) Even in cold weather, ice cream is good.

4) 21! I'll take it.

5) A meat and three would hit the spot right about now. Talk to me Koskesh.

6) Is it ok to be a heroine addict if you are a smokin' hot supermodel?

Blahhhhhh

2005-12-29T13:56:00.000-05:00

The purpose of this post is just to let you know how sick I am.
I started feeling bad Tuesday night and its gotten worst since then.
Im leaving work early to go home and sleep. I hate feeling this way, especially with
New years coming up.Thats all for now

My brain is dead.

2005-12-29T09:25:00.000-05:00

I couldn't have a coherent thought if my life depended on it right now. Perhaps I am trying to think too early in the morning. I should just let myself run on automatic pilot until noon. But by then I will be gone.

Some random thoughts for you:
Apparently, Michigan got robbed in their game against Nebraska last night. Sucks to be Michigan today. Horrible officiating, from what I hear, because I didn't watch, helped Nebraska to victory.

Hot chocolate is STILL one of my favorite drinks.

It is pouring down rain here. Great. As if my hair needed help looking bad.

And speaking of my hair, still growing it out. You would be proud.

Clemson lost their first basketball game of the season last night. :-( Still love OP! (and the team.)

That's enough rambling for now.

What the hell?

2005-12-28T15:00:00.000-05:00

You can already hear me, huh? Too bad you can't already feel my foot up your ass. What I would give for Go-Go Gadget arms right about now....

Seriously, I know that things are not as "pretty" as we would like them to be right now for our football team, but we are winning. We are functional. And sometimes, that's enough to do the trick. Everytime you have sex, it's not the best you ever had, but it gets the job done. And you know what? You keep coming back for more ( and more and more and more). I could really just string this analogy out beyond reason, but I won't for now. :-)

I am leaving for Kansas tomorrow. Thank the Lawd! Sometimes Jersey really gets to me. What the hell? MOST of the time, Jersey gets to me. And just when you think you find something worthwhile, well, to keep it nice, you realize otherwise. Sometimes I feel like I live in Oz, where nothing is what it seems. But then again, that's the whole world, not just Jersey.

Oh, and you do NOT feel sorry for me. You LOVE me!!! C'mon, just admit it.

3 hours I won't get back.

2005-12-28T13:43:00.000-05:00

Have you even seen these parents out with their young ones and you think “God what a ugly ass baby, I wonder if the parents think its ugly too?”. Well chances are they do realize how ugly the baby is but they have convinced themselves that it’s the most beautiful baby in the world. Thats kinda how I feel about Clemson football and their fans.
The fact of the matter is that I wasted 3 good hours of my life last night watching yet another boring ass, no excitement, please shoot me in the head Clemson football game. I realize Im probably going to catch a lot of crap from my fellow Clemson grads and that’s fine, but think about everything Im saying before you dismiss me.
Now, I won’t claim to be any kind of football expert but I know an exciting game when I see one and I will have to say 85% of Clemson games are anything but exciting. Its like watching paint dry or flies fuck. Clemson football games are the only ones where I don’t feel like I have to watch every play because there is a good chance I won’t miss anything big. I can already hear Tigerchick saying “well what about the Miami game this year, or Texas A&M, or Florida State”. My only response to this is that these games fall into the 15% category of games that actually have some excitement to them.
Even tight games like Boston College and Wake Forest were boring until the last few minutes. I honestly feel bad for fans like Tigerchick and her friends because they put so much heart and effort towards their team and get nothing back in return.

Just watch a USC (California not South Carolina), Penn State, Michigan or Notre Dame game to see what Im talking about. These schools play great games every week and keep their fans excited and on the edge of their seats. I think I’ve said enough about this subject for now, but its definitely not just the kick off team, its the whole team. But if your happy thinking your baby is the best looking one, then who am I to introduce reality to you.

I can’t say that I have a collection of porno music pesay, but I don’t think it would be a bad marketing idea. I guess the reason I like porno music is because when I hear it, it takes me back to that special place.
(for the record its not my favorite music, I just thought it would be funny to put that under my profile)

A stick of butter, a gallon of milk and

2005-12-28T10:17:00.000-05:00

a new Kick off team. My grocery list. Oh and can you double bag that please? I don't want my new kick off team to drop and break in the parking lot.

One thing I realized watching last night's game (Clemson vs. Colorado) is how much I have missed football. God I love it. On the other hand, I haven't missed feeling my blood pressure spike when we get two blocked kicks or throw an interception (don't worry, I still love ya' Charlie!) I really think heaven is measured 10 yards at a time and standing at the Pearly Gates is something akin to starting First and Ten from the 2 yard line....you can see where you want to be and are mere footsteps away. AHHH, football.

But back to special teams. Ours looks like they need to be playing in the Special Olympics (God and Tiger faithful forgive me for saying such). I am eternally thankful that we have some new faces coming in next year to hopefully (fingers crossed, holding breath) fill this void. And that is all I will say about that! GOOOOOO Tigers!!

I noticed Kokesh ( I still don't know what that means. Throw me a bone here.) , where you said that your favorite music was porno music. Now is that because you are watching porn whenever you hear it or you just genuinely like it? Do you have a cd that you play in the Ess-Say with these classic tunes? Just curious...

Launch

2005-12-27T14:07:00.000-05:00

Well, this is the first official post of Random Anthem. My partner (who has not decided on a screen name yet....for now let's call him HOYT) and I have decided that we should not keep our very insightful and thought provoking topics of conversation to ourselves. The world will be a better place if we post. So, for our first line of thought.....

In the way of New Year's Resolutions, I have decided to make one that I can ACTUALLY keep. From now on, I will drink at least one mimosa every morning. This should eliminate a lot of my morning "moodiness" that I seem to have.

Koskesh here, aka Hoyt (tigerchick's partner in crime):

While I would love to believe that a few mimosas will cure this “morning moodiness” that you speak of, I have to believe that all it really does is delay the inevitable . And lets not kid ourselves in calling it “morning moodiness” as if it’s a disease and it has some kind of cure. We all know what its called…………Bitchiness and there is no cure. Its part of the checks and balances between men and women. There has to be some bitching going on in order for men to get shit done. And there has to be some bitching going on in order for men to make comments like “man, she is a real bitch”.

And speaking of mimosas, am I the only one that associates this drink with homosexuals? Don’t get me wrong, I have no problem with two guys doing what they do as long as it makes them happy, and I have no problem with two girls doing what they do as long as they're not ugly.

So I guess you’ve put the pressure on me to come up with a New Years Resolution as well. Its kinda hard since I don’t have any bad habits and can’t find any faults with myself but I guess if I had to pick something it would be this: Starting next year, I will try to eat healthier and pay attention to the quality and quantity of food that I consume. With that said, I have 4 days left to eat whatever the hell I want and as much as I want.